I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
