and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
