yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
