i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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