Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
