i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Help. Why am I so naked?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
