just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
