why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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