dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
