Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
