I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
