Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
