Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize