i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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