census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
