You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
