I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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