im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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