All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
