did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
