That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What drink are we having for lunch?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
