So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
