Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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