Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so let's talk penis.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
