i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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