I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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