Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
