she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
