went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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