i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my shit smells like andre
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
