remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
