i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
