I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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