i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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