All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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