You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
