He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
