I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
