Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
