your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't deserve a penis
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
