Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
