This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
