Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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