Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
