She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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