there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
