I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
