Well douche your snatch and let's go!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
