Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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