3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize