what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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