Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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