I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
