I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
