Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
