if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
