I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
