What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
