I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize