life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
