They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
