Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize