So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
