Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
