I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
