I faked an abortion last night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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