So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
