I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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