i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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