he wants to bone in the snuggie
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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