There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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