New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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