So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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