So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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