So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Drunk is not a location!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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