New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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