I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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