Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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